Noticing that masking is not a choice to deceive others but a strategy for navigating social situations that were not designed with one's natural communication style in mind.
Exploring how things like eye contact, tone, and conversational flow can require conscious effort and planning rather than coming naturally.
Thinking about how the ongoing effort of masking can accumulate over time and affect a person's energy, sense of self, and wellbeing.
Considering how unmasking is connected to safety and trust, and that it can happen gradually in relationships where a person feels accepted.
Reflecting on the difference between adapting communication for a situation and losing a sense of who you are in the process.
Exploring what it might mean to be truly known by another person, and what makes that kind of connection possible.
Flo, an autistic woman, describes masking as adjusting her natural communication style to meet the expectations of the people and situations around her. She explains that even small social exchanges feel like a performance, relying on learned rules and scripts rather than instinct. Flo reflects that she masks for around 95 per cent of her waking life and describes the ongoing effort and exhaustion that comes with this. She shares that her husband is the only person who has seen her fully unmasked, and reflects on the trust and safety that makes this possible. The video ends with Flo expressing a wish for greater self-acceptance and a desire to support others who are navigating the same experience.
• What did you notice about the way Flo described her experience of masking?
• How did she describe the difference between being masked and being unmasked?
• Is there a situation or relationship where you feel most able to communicate in a way that feels natural to you?
• What makes that feel different from other situations?
• How do you notice the effort of adjusting your communication in social situations, and what does that feel like afterward?
• What does it mean to you to feel truly understood by another person?
• What could someone do that would help you feel safe enough to be more yourself around them?
• How might understanding someone's experience of masking change the way you communicate with them?
The questions within this guide are designed to open dialogue and facilitate discussion around the relevant topics. It is up to the user to adapt as needed to best suit the person they are supporting. A neuroaffirming approach was central to the design of these resources and remains essential to their application. This means recognising and respecting the diverse ways people think, communicate, and experience the world, ensuring all conversations are led with curiosity, respect, and without judgement. These resources are a starting point. Trust your knowledge of the person you are supporting to shape the conversation from there.
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