Exploring the difference between telling on someone to get them in trouble and telling a trusted adult because someone might get hurt.
Noticing how keeping a secret can feel uncomfortable when it goes against what we think is right.
Thinking about the difference between telling the truth, staying quiet, and saying something untrue.
Noticing what can happen when a group of people all agree to keep a secret.
Considering how honesty and trust work in friendships.
Rory has forgotten his lunch and his friends refuse to share their food with him. Rory sneaks out of the school grounds to buy food from the milk bar, breaking a school rule. He asks his friends Atticus, Tamara, Melanie, Battie, and Debra-Jo to keep his secret from their teacher, Mrs Gonsha. When Mrs Gonsha asks where Rory is, Debra-Jo, who is known for always telling the truth, struggles to cover for him and responds with a lie. Rory returns and the whole group is eventually found out and told off by Mrs Gonsha, including those who stayed behind and kept the secret.
• What did you notice about how the group felt when Rory asked them to keep his secret?
• Why do you think Debra-Jo found it so hard to stay quiet when Mrs Gonsha asked where Rory was?
• What is the difference between telling on someone and letting a trusted adult know something important?
• How do you know when something crosses from dobbing into reporting?
• Have you ever been in a situation where keeping a secret felt uncomfortable?
• What would you have done if you were one of Rory's friends in that situation?
• How do you think Rory's friends felt when they got in trouble too?
• Is there a difference between keeping a secret to protect a friend and keeping a secret to protect yourself?
The questions within this guide are designed to open dialogue and facilitate discussion around the relevant topics. It is up to the user to adapt as needed to best suit the person they are supporting. A neuroaffirming approach was central to the design of these resources and remains essential to their application. This means recognising and respecting the diverse ways people think, communicate, and experience the world, ensuring all conversations are led with curiosity, respect, and without judgement. These resources are a starting point. Trust your knowledge of the person you are supporting to shape the conversation from there.
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