Noticing the difference between a disagreement where both people are listened to and one where a decision has already been made.
Thinking about what it feels like to keep offering ideas that are immediately turned down.
Considering what makes a disagreement feel fair, and what makes it feel one-sided.
Seeing how disagreements between people who care about each other can still happen, and are a normal part of close relationships.
Exploring what a more open conversation about the same disagreement might look like.
Chandler and Monica are planning to move in together and discussing what to do with the spare room in Monica's apartment. Monica has already decided she wants a guest room, while Chandler suggests a games room. Monica dismisses Chandler's idea quickly and moves on, without giving it consideration. Chandler keeps trying different suggestions but Monica has a ready answer for each one, and the conversation goes in circles. Neither person is really listening to the other – Monica is not open to Chandler's ideas, and Chandler is not hearing Monica's reasons.
• What did you notice about how Monica responded to Chandler's suggestions?
• Do you think Monica was genuinely open to Chandler's ideas, or had she already made up her mind?
• How do you think Chandler felt each time his idea was dismissed?
• Have you ever been in a conversation where you felt like your ideas were not really being considered?
• What is the difference between a disagreement and a discussion?
• What could Monica have said or done differently to make the conversation feel more equal?
• When you disagree with someone, what helps you feel like the other person has actually heard you?
The questions within this guide are designed to open dialogue and facilitate discussion around the relevant topics. It is up to the user to adapt as needed to best suit the person they are supporting. A neuroaffirming approach was central to the design of these resources and remains essential to their application. This means recognising and respecting the diverse ways people think, communicate, and experience the world, ensuring all conversations are led with curiosity, respect, and without judgement. These resources are a starting point. Trust your knowledge of the person you are supporting to shape the conversation from there.
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