Noticing that talking about how something feels for you is different from telling someone they did something wrong, and that this difference can change how a conversation goes.
Exploring how saying something directly and calmly can be more helpful than staying silent or waiting until a feeling becomes too big.
Thinking about how something that feels playful to one person may be received differently by the other person, and that both experiences are real.
Considering that raising something uncomfortable with someone you care about can be a way of building understanding rather than creating conflict.
Reflecting on what it takes to bring up something that has been bothering you, and what makes that feel possible or harder.
Exploring what it looks and feels like to hear something like this from another person, and how to respond in a way that is supportive.
Joey tells his girlfriend that when she punches him playfully it actually hurts him and makes him feel uncomfortable. He chooses his words carefully, describing how the experience feels for him rather than blaming or criticising her. He stays calm and respectful throughout, making it clear that his intention is to help her understand rather than to start a conflict. Joey attempts to explain that something she sees as a joke does not land the same way for him.
• What did you notice about the way Joey chose to raise this with his girlfriend?
• Why do you think it might have taken courage for Joey to bring this up?
• Have you ever needed to tell someone that something they did, even something meant as fun, did not feel okay for you?
• What is the difference between saying how something feels for you or telling someone they did something wrong?
• What makes it easier or harder to bring up something uncomfortable?
• How would you want someone to let you know if something you were doing was not okay?
• What could you say to show someone you have heard them when they tell you something felt uncomfortable?
• What might help two people get back on the same page after a conversation like this one?
The questions within this guide are designed to open dialogue and facilitate discussion around the relevant topics. It is up to the user to adapt as needed to best suit the person they are supporting. A neuroaffirming approach was central to the design of these resources and remains essential to their application. This means recognising and respecting the diverse ways people think, communicate, and experience the world, ensuring all conversations are led with curiosity, respect, and without judgement. These resources are a starting point. Trust your knowledge of the person you are supporting to shape the conversation from there.
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